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Fear of the probability that I am losing Laurence. Sadness over the fact that such a beautiful, raw relationship was so short lived.“Listen, Laurence,” I say in a low, urgent whisper. “I love you. I love you so much, it actually scares me. I’ve never loved someone like I love you. I really don’t deserve someone like you.” I pause as my voice breaks and my throat tightens even more. “I love you so much that I would never want you to be unhappy. If that means letting you go so that you can be with the person that you truly love, then I would do it in a heartbeat.”The next few moments are filled with so much tension and raw, palpable emotion that I find myself swaying, nearly falling over from the sheer emotion. Laurence quickly rushes over to me and holds me tight, tighter than he ever has, as if he is afraid that I am going to disappear into the ether and he will never see, touch or taste me again.“Ruby,” he firmly says. “Please, sit down. I will explain everything.”Nodding, I slowly. . ," he gasped as his heart rate increased and his breath sharpened.I stood up to go get the doctor but he took and gripped my hand. I sat back down and leaned to him. He was letting me know he was ready to die. I closed my eyes to hold back more tears."Do everything that you want to do, Joe. Don't have any regrets. And keep trying your best and shoot for the stars." Yes, sir! I will, I promise." One last thing, Joe. Never let pride stand in your way. Pride is self-serving and isn't worth shit. It can make you do things that will make you miserable. It almost destroyed my life. Don't let it keep you from being happy. Joe... Lisa..."His body tensed up and tears streamed down his face and he settled back down. It didn't look like it would be long now. He held my hand on his chest. His whispers were now barely audible and he was having a really hard time getting his breath."Joe... Lisa... moved back... home. We've seen her. She loves you, son. Good girl... made mistake. Don't let.
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